http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/cancer-and-secondary-gains.jpg 326 480 Avinoam Lerner http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/logo3.png Avinoam Lerner2011-05-18 15:12:332015-08-11 17:06:45Does Your Cancer Serve You Well?
The notion that illness benefits us in any way may not seat well with you. It might even offend you that I’m using these words illness and benefits in the same sentence, if so I apologies in advance but suggest you keep on reading just in case it does make sense. The Power of Secondary Gains in Illness In psychology the term Secondary Gains, describes “any advantage, as increased attention, disability benefits, or release from unpleasant responsibilities, obtained as a result of having an illness” ~ Dictionary.com In medicine, a secondary gain is described as a significant psychological motivator in reporting symptoms. The phenomenon of secondary gains is well documented in professional literature. It’s a cause and effect pattern which we may have learned in early childhood when illness was often a time for emotional compensation, a time where we got as much attention as we needed. Working with clients over many years with Immersive Healing I was privileged to witness and I am able to describe a wide spectrum of Secondary Gains (SG) and how they relate to a person's particular challenges, yet there are some common SG at work. Examples of Common Secondary Gains A common SG will be to avoid chores, work and responsibilities. Another common and more personal use of secondary gains is to use illness (head ache etc’) as excuse to not engage in arguments or personal conflict or even make a decision. Another dominant secondary gain to illness is the fact that for some, something has to be wrong in life in order to feel important and lovable. This is may be common, but it is difficult to assess about ourselves, and even harder to admit. Have you ever considered that you may be using your illness, limiting condition or situation to either hold on to someone, or that you use your illness as a way to push people away, make yourself so unattractive that no one will get close to you? Now this may not apply to you but this is a real example from the lives of real clients. All of the above are powerful examples of hidden aspects and secondary gains which may promote the state of mind in which illness can thrive. Secondary gains do not imply that the illness or the symptoms are unreal or unimportant. To the contrary! They tell us that there is more to the illness than meets the eye, the stethoscope and the x-ray. If you can think of other secondary gains I did not mentions, please share with me?
http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Positive-Thinking-and-illness.jpg 326 480 Avinoam Lerner http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/logo3.png Avinoam Lerner2011-05-17 20:54:502015-08-11 17:06:59Positive Thinking May Put Cancer Patients at Risk
We keep hearing about the importance of the power of positive thinking. Books and magazines, new-age experts and mental health professional all praise the benefits of positive thinking as if it’s the magic cure we all hoped for. Even motivational gurus tell us that being positive is essential to our success and happiness and still, danger lurks in the mind that focuses only on the positive in the form of denial. The Danger in Positive-Thinking A positive attitude can add healthy happy years to our lives and is considered to be the key to happiness. This happiness help cancer patients boost their immune system and therefore support healing. However, there is a great difference between manufacturing positive thoughts by denying all else and seeing things as they are. By denying reality we delay our healing. Taking a realistic approach and still choosing to focus on that which is well and valuable, that which promote a feel-good state of mind will strengthen your resolve to heal and support your journey toward health. In my perspective, the positive-thinking-theory took a wrong turn when promoted itself as a substitute to the realistic approach. That wrong turn stripped its healing value and began broadcasting the message of false hope. Riding the Emotional Roller-Coaster of Illness When illness strike and we are riding the emotional roller-coaster it’s very tempting to deny the shock, the fear and the uncertainty we fill. It seems that as long as we don’t look at that which is wrong we won’t have to face it and therefore it will not affect us. That plan however, is set for failure right from the beginning. It will fail because it takes effort to deny our true feelings and experience. Based on the concept that “what we resist persist” we only suspend the eruption of our emotional volcano. This eruption of emotions, if not exhausted beforehand, will take place within us and only serve to suppress our immune system even more which means allowing illness to progress. Since the path of healing is aligned with the path of truth, evaluate your thoughts on a regular basis. Make sure to see things as they are, and allow yourself to express the rising emotions regardless of their quality i.e. negative or positive. As you see the big picture, the bad and the good, choose to focus on that which uplift you and makes you feel hopeful. Share with us your view of positive thinking?
http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/cancer-and-change-in-identity.jpg 326 480 Avinoam Lerner http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/logo3.png Avinoam Lerner2011-05-13 16:51:342015-08-11 17:07:10Does Having Cancer Change Who You Are?
One of the most prominent affects we experience when faced with cancer is change in identity, the way we view ourselves. Although change in identity is seen more as an outcome of illness, it may also be a "motivator" for the development of illness. If this last statement makes you want to terminate this post, please keep on reading and let me explain. Illness & Change in Identity To explore if change in identity is a hidden aspect, a contributor or motivator for the development of illness consider the common changes described below. If anyone of these descriptions resonates with you, then you will know which of these aspects is holding you back from recovery and which one you need heal. The obvious change happens as we begin to identify ourselves as sick rather than healthy. When this takes place, the focus of our thoughts shift from future oriented (our goals and dreams) to the present moment (healing and coping). Our ability to earn money and provide for our family is also a big change. This is a side effect to our inability to maintain our routine, when we can no longer work. Then we shift from being a person who earns money to a depended one, from a productive person to a disabled one and from a contributing person to one who is in need of care. As if the above changes are not enough, it is the nature of illness that make one feel more isolated than ever before. Healthy people have the freedom to be spontaneous and therefore do not feel trapped; those struggling with illness often will feel trapped. You Did Not Wish to Be with Cancer I have never met anyone who wished to be sick with cancer or any other illness for that matter. But I often do hear about those who’ve healed from it and how they now view their illness. Those who’ve healed claim their illness was a blessing in disguise, and that the changes in their identity were necessary. They now realized their illness, challenging as it may have been, was not without benefits. Many report they were forced to grow as people, on a personal level as well as spiritual level, and that this growth helped them live healthier and more meaningful life. Discovering what brought illness into your life does not necessarily guarantee that you will overcome your physical predicament. It does however mean you will be moving more rapidly toward a state where healing of your condition is possible. If you do however discover change is a hidden aspect for your condition, embrace this insight and resolve to set forth an action plan. What you can do right now is to listen to the conditions illness created within your body. Doing so, you can find out more about your personal internal needs i.e. mental, emotional, physical or spiritual needs.
http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/overcomeing-challenges-of-cancer.jpg 326 480 Avinoam Lerner http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/logo3.png Avinoam Lerner2011-05-12 16:27:102015-08-11 17:07:24Resolve Your Fear of Cancer Diagnosis
Today’s posting was inspired by a comment from one of my colleagues in respect to our discussion about the shock and fear one experience when diagnosed with cancer. My colleague said that talking to his “fear” as if a different and separate entity was very helpful and made him feel better. According to him, disassociating himself from his feelings in this way granted him clarity, freedom and sense of control. Have You Talked to Your Fear Lately? Talking to your fear in this way may sound odd to you but many of my clients have benefited from doing even long before their treatment. I highly recommend this approach because so many have found it to be effective as well as freeing and rewarding. This approach is helpful whenever you’re struggling with fear, whether you are facing cancer or not. Now this is not breaking-news, after all we all talk to ourselves either in thoughts or out loud in front of the mirror, but this is a whole different level of discussion, a more serious one because fear is often debilitating. If talking to your fear makes sense to you, and it’s something you wish to do, keep on reading and find out how. This can be done in one of two ways, first in the physical sense of placing another chair in front of you (where your fear can sit) or secondly in your mind’s eye by simply imagining the scenario. Here is how to start your conversation with your fear: As described in my book The New Cancer Paradigm I found it helpful to actually take two chairs and place them face to face, about six feet apart. If you rather visualize the scenario simply imagine, see in your mind’s eye, visualize if you will that you are entering a room where these two chairs are facing one another. Once this is done, place yourself in the first chair (physically or in your mind’s eye) and invite your fear to sit in the other chair. This means that you allow your fear to present itself in any shape, form, color, texture, sound or any other characteristic that make sense to you. It’s helpful to remember that some people are more visual than others and therefore may “see” an image rather than “hear” a sound or get a feeling toward their fear. Once you “see” or “hear” or “sense/feel” your fear, ask it what it is that you need to learn or know? And then listen inward or tune in to what we call our automatic thoughts. Please be patient if you never done this before. Automatic thoughts are those thoughts that just pop up in the back of our mind, they are not a conscious thought-process but rather a though-chatter originating in the subconscious mind in respect to what we consciously think. This is a great tool to get in touch with our fear or any other inner experience which threatens our peace of mind. Please share with us some of your insights about your fear?
http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/cancer-hero.jpg 326 480 Avinoam Lerner http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/logo3.png Avinoam Lerner2011-05-10 21:51:212015-08-11 17:07:33Cancer Patients Can't Afford the Luxury of Negativity
Everyone has bad days where everything around seems dark and negative, but when dealing with cancer, associated treatments and their side effects, we can’t really afford the luxury of these negative experiences. When our guard is down, we run the risk of illness impressing our minds with poor self image. Because no one ever wished for cancer, it’s common to feel self-pity in the form of “why me” type of thoughts and feel the "need" to punish ourselves in one way or another. You may have heard the saying “As a man thniketh so he is”. What this means is that what we focus our mind on tends to manifest and influence our life. It’s therefore vital that we’ll keep our mind focused (to the extant it's possible) on those aspects of ourselves which we like and appreciate. And yes, we all have something that works well or that is balanced even in the most difficult of times. Your Life Needs a Hero As kids we often dreamed of heroes, we met them in our books, television shows and movies. A hero was usually someone we looked up to and admire for either skill or character. Unfortunately it was also suggested that in order to be a hero one must pay a price. My perspective on the last statement is that although the idea of being a hero is noble and associated with wealth and fame, for the most part, we don’t want to pay the price or be in the lime light. What if however, irrespective of whether or not you really want to be a hero, a person who can overcome great obstacles and challenges, you are forced to? What then? In the context of illness and cancer especially, it seems that if life chose you for that part, there’s only one thing you can do and that is to show-up and step-up. As you get into character, keep in mind the following: Remember that your thoughts create your feelings, and your feelings are the motive for your actions, and our actions determine the results you get. Therefore, rehearsing the “why me” thoughts frequently reinforces the “victim” attitude which make you feel sad and angry. Feeling sad and angry often result in a hostile behavior which tends to alienates those who wish to support and love you. Also remember that your feelings (emotions) have a direct impact on your body (the mind-body connection). Negative feelings have shown to weaken the immune-system, cause stress and fatigue. A hero in this case will be a person who is both able to see things as they truly are and still choose to focus on that which is well and balanced in his/her life. We cannot choose what will happen TO us, but we can choose what happens IN us. What do you do to keep your mind balanced, strong and positive?
http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Breaking-Free-from-Negativity-While-Undergoing-Cancer.jpg 326 480 Avinoam Lerner http://avinoamlerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/logo3.png Avinoam Lerner2011-05-09 20:57:112015-08-11 17:07:423 Parts Action Plan to Breaking Free from Negativity While Undergoing Cancer Treatment
When we allow circumstances and events to define who we are, what we can and cannot do, we are literally “trading our heroes for ghosts” as the Pink Floyd song “How I wish You Were Here” state so beautifully. This trade is devastating to our self-image and suggests we are helpless and hopeless. These two emotions proved in research to suppress our immune system and therefore lower the body’s ability to defend itself against disease agents. Although this trade takes place for the most part unintentionally and only if we have an already existing limiting or negative self-image, it doesn’t mean it’s without the power to affect our health. The important question here than is what we can do to stop this harmful trade and strengthen ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically. The aim of this post is to: first, explain why our self-limiting beliefs and negative perception which make this trade possible in the first place, may no longer be relevant or appropriate. Secondly, to reveal what we must do in order to resolve negative perception and limiting beliefs and therefore their meaning or effect in our lives. As mentioned in my book The New Cancer Paradigm, these limiting negative perceptions may no longer be relevant. This statement is based in the knowledge that much if not all of what we know about the world and who we, was learned at a very young age. It’s clear that as kids our mental, emotional and even spiritual capacity to process information or see things in their true perspective was very limited. As adults, reviewing these same events or conditions which have impressed upon us negative perception or limiting-beliefs, we will inevitably come to a different decision about their meaning in our lives. This change in meaning therefore dissolves the need to trade them for they are no longer negative or painful. Cancer Patients Three Part Action Plan to Eliminate Negative Beliefs Here is your three part action plan to avoid this common mind-trap our physical reality set before us: • Be vigilant • Challenge the evidence • Adjust your perspective Be Vigilant - When a negative self-image comes to mind, or when you feel that your illness define who you are it is because you have allowed an external aspect of your life to be more than it actually is. Nothing outside of you defines who you are. Challenge the evidence – In your mind’s eye review those thoughts supporting the way you feel carefully. (Most likely you’ll find they were formed in early childhood). Then, bring to mind current evidence from your life that does not support those limiting or negative perceptions. Adjust your perspective - When done correctly you will notice a gap between the early childhood perception and the current adult one. This is good news because it means your negative self-perception is not based on fact but interpretation. This insight means you are free. Free to simply let go of the old and identify with the new, with who you are today. When done correctly, this new found freedom will help you stop this harmful trade and strengthen your ability to face the challenges of your illness better. If you found this exercise to be helpful, please let me know?