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cancer and secondary gains

Does Your Cancer Serve You Well?

The notion that illness benefits us in any way may not seat well with you. It might even offend you that I’m using these words illness and benefits in the same sentence, if so I apologies in advance but suggest you keep on reading just in case it does make sense.

The Power of Secondary Gains in Illness

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The Answer May Lie Within

In psychology the term Secondary Gains, describes “any advantage, as increased attention, disability benefits, or release from unpleasant responsibilities, obtained as a result of having an illness” ~ Dictionary.com

In medicine, a secondary gain is described as a significant psychological motivator in reporting symptoms.
The phenomenon of secondary gains is well documented in professional literature. It’s a cause and effect pattern which we may have learned in early childhood when illness was often a time for emotional compensation, a time where we got as much attention as we needed.

Working with clients over many years I was privileged to witness and I am able to describe a wide spectrum of Secondary Gains (SG) and how they relate to a person’s particular challenges, yet there are some common SG at work.

Examples of Common Secondary Gains

A common SG will be to avoid chores, work and responsibilities. Another common and more personal use of secondary gains is to use illness (head ache etc’) as excuse to not engage in arguments or personal conflict or even make a decision. Another dominant secondary gain to illness is the fact that for some, something has to be wrong in life in order to feel important and lovable. This is may be common, but it is difficult to assess about ourselves, and even harder to admit.

Have you ever considered that you may be using your illness, limiting condition or situation to either hold on to someone, or that you use your illness as a way to push people away, make yourself so unattractive that no one will get close to you? Now this may not apply to you but this is a real example from the lives of real clients.

All of the above are powerful examples of hidden aspects and secondary gains which may promote the state of mind in which illness can thrive.

Secondary gains do not imply that the illness or the symptoms are unreal or unimportant. To the contrary! They tell us that there is more to the illness than meets the eye, the stethoscope and the x-ray.

If you can think of other secondary gains I did not mentions, please share with me?

cancer and change in identity

Does Having Cancer Change Who You Are?

One of the most prominent affects we experience when faced with cancer is change in identity, the way we view ourselves. Although change in identity is seen more as an outcome of illness, it may also be a “motivator” for the development of illness. If this last statement makes you want to terminate this post, please keep on reading and let me explain.

Illness & Change in Identity

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Illness and Secondary Gains

To explore if change in identity is a hidden aspect, a contributor or motivator for the development of illness consider the common changes described below. If anyone of these descriptions resonates with you, then you will know which of these aspects is holding you back from recovery and which one you need heal.

The obvious change happens as we begin to identify ourselves as sick rather than healthy. When this takes place, the focus of our thoughts shift from future oriented (our goals and dreams) to the present moment (healing and coping).

Our ability to earn money and provide for our family is also a big change. This is a side effect to our inability to maintain our routine, when we can no longer work. Then we shift from being a person who earns money to a depended one, from a productive person to a disabled one and from a contributing person to one who is in need of care.

As if the above changes are not enough, it is the nature of illness that make one feel more isolated than ever before. Healthy people have the freedom to be spontaneous and therefore do not feel trapped; those struggling with illness often will feel trapped.

You Did Not Wish to Be with Cancer

I have never met anyone who wished to be sick with cancer or any other illness for that matter. But I often do hear about those who’ve healed from it and how they now view their illness.

Those who’ve healed claim their illness was a blessing in disguise, and that the changes in their identity were necessary. They now realized their illness, challenging as it may have been, was not without benefits. Many report they were forced to grow as people, on a personal level as well as spiritual level, and that this growth helped them live healthier and more meaningful life.

Discovering what brought illness into your life does not necessarily guarantee that you will overcome your physical predicament. It does however mean you will be moving more rapidly toward a state where healing of your condition is possible.

If you do however discover change is a hidden aspect for your condition, embrace this insight and resolve to set forth an action plan.

What you can do right now is to listen to the conditions illness created within your body. Doing so, you can find out more about your personal internal needs i.e. mental, emotional, physical or spiritual needs.

cancer hero

Cancer Patients Can’t Afford the Luxury of Negativity

Everyone has bad days where everything around seems dark and negative, but when dealing with cancer, associated treatments and their side effects, we can’t really afford the luxury of these negative experiences.

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Yes you can!

When our guard is down, we run the risk of illness impressing our minds with poor self image. Because no one ever wished for cancer, it’s common to feel self-pity in the form of “why me” type of thoughts and feel the “need” to punish ourselves in one way or another.

You may have heard the saying “As a man thniketh so he is”. What this means is that what we focus our mind on tends to manifest and influence our life. It’s therefore vital that we’ll keep our mind focused (to the extant it’s possible) on those aspects of ourselves which we like and appreciate. And yes, we all have something that works well or that is balanced even in the most difficult of times.

Your Life Needs a Hero

As kids we often dreamed of heroes, we met them in our books, television shows and movies. A hero was usually someone we looked up to and admire for either skill or character. Unfortunately it was also suggested that in order to be a hero one must pay a price.

My perspective on the last statement is that although the idea of being a hero is noble and associated with wealth and fame, for the most part, we don’t want to pay the price or be in the lime light. What if however, irrespective of whether or not you really want to be a hero, a person who can overcome great obstacles and challenges, you are forced to? What then?

In the context of illness and cancer especially, it seems that if life chose you for that part, there’s only one thing you can do and that is to show-up and step-up. As you get into character, keep in mind the following:

Remember that your thoughts create your feelings, and your feelings are the motive for your actions, and our actions determine the results you get. Therefore, rehearsing the “why me” thoughts frequently reinforces the “victim” attitude which make you feel sad and angry. Feeling sad and angry often result in a hostile behavior which tends to alienates those who wish to support and love you.

Also remember that your feelings (emotions) have a direct impact on your body (the mind-body connection). Negative feelings have shown to weaken the immune-system, cause stress and fatigue. A hero in this case will be a person who is both able to see things as they truly are and still choose to focus on that which is well and balanced in his/her life.

We cannot choose what will happen TO us, but we can choose what happens IN us.

What do you do to keep your mind balanced, strong and positive?

Breaking Free from Negativity While Undergoing Cancer

3 Parts Action Plan to Breaking Free from Negativity While Undergoing Cancer Treatment

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Overcome cancer Negativity

When we allow circumstances and events to define who we are, what we can and cannot do, we are literally “trading our heroes for ghosts” as the Pink Floyd song “How I wish You Were Here” state so beautifully. This trade is devastating to our self-image and suggests we are helpless and hopeless. These two emotions proved in research to suppress our immune system and therefore lower the body’s ability to defend itself against disease agents.

Although this trade takes place for the most part unintentionally and only if we have an already existing limiting or negative self-image, it doesn’t mean it’s without the power to affect our health. The important question here than is what we can do to stop this harmful trade and strengthen ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically.

The aim of this post is to: first, explain why our self-limiting beliefs and negative perception which make this trade possible in the first place, may no longer be relevant or appropriate. Secondly, to reveal what we must do in order to resolve negative perception and limiting beliefs and therefore their meaning or effect in our lives.

As mentioned in my book The New Cancer Paradigm, these limiting negative perceptions may no longer be relevant. This statement is based in the knowledge that much if not all of what we know about the world and who we, was learned at a very young age. It’s clear that as kids our mental, emotional and even spiritual capacity to process information or see things in their true perspective was very limited.

As adults, reviewing these same events or conditions which have impressed upon us negative perception or limiting-beliefs, we will inevitably come to a different decision about their meaning in our lives. This change in meaning therefore dissolves the need to trade them for they are no longer negative or painful.

Cancer Patients Three Part Action Plan to Eliminate Negative Beliefs

Here is your three part action plan to avoid this common mind-trap our physical reality set before us:

• Be vigilant
• Challenge the evidence
• Adjust your perspective

Be Vigilant – When a negative self-image comes to mind, or when you feel that your illness define who you are it is because you have allowed an external aspect of your life to be more than it actually is. Nothing outside of you defines who you are.

Challenge the evidence – In your mind’s eye review those thoughts supporting the way you feel carefully. (Most likely you’ll find they were formed in early childhood). Then, bring to mind current evidence from your life that does not support those limiting or negative perceptions.

Adjust your perspective – When done correctly you will notice a gap between the early childhood perception and the current adult one. This is good news because it means your negative self-perception is not based on fact but interpretation.

This insight means you are free. Free to simply let go of the old and identify with the new, with who you are today. When done correctly, this new found freedom will help you stop this harmful trade and strengthen your ability to face the challenges of your illness better.

If you found this exercise to be helpful, please let me know?

Thrive during cancer

Cancer Patient Find the Help They Need to Thrive from Within

Some people have the power to inspire us and emerge as heroes even when all hope is lost. I often wondered if these powers exist within all of us, and what is it that galvanizes them.

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Be the hero of your own life

A client said to me “bad things happens only to good people”, referencing to his stage three colon cancer. There was little that I could say right there and then to convince him otherwise but I did offer him a quote by Dennis Wholey, who wrote “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.”

Few days later we spoke and he mentioned that this seemingly humors quote transformed his outlook and helped him realize he is far from being a victim. For me, this client is a hero, a person of courage and strength, one which faces that which he fears most, feeling helpless and hopeless.

In a following session he said, “I just refuse to let my fear of dying run my life anymore, if it’s my time to go I’ll do so fighting for my life”. Once again, the hero emerged, strong and powerful, no longer helpless.

He chose to see his physical symptoms such as fatigue and discomfort as part of the natural world, part of the eternal cycle of life, in all of its terrible beauty and this takes great courage.

For some, being diagnosed with cancer serve only to magnify or reinforce an already existing negative self-image. But when we take the time to re-examine some of the so called “evidence” supporting our negative view of self, we will recognize that our perception is outdated and limited. We will come to realize that we gathered these “facts” in the early years of our lives and therefore may no longer be relevant.

This is an exciting revelation which has the power to set you free and help you resurrect the true you, the hero, the healthy, the part of you that is larger than life itself and has the potential to overcome any challenge be it emotional, mental and yes, even physical.

Tell us about the hero within you?

Cancer and How Discovering Your Authentic-Self can Help You Heal

Cancer and How Discovering Your Authentic-Self can Help You Heal

From a spiritual perspective the state of disease is seen as the ultimate act of separation from the source, the source of life and well-being. If true, than by restoring our connection to that part of ourselves which is whole and healed, we restore our body’s health and overcome illness.

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Help with Cancer

This may be easier said than done because most people have little or no awareness at all to that part of us that is whole and healed, let alone the knowledge of how to restore that connection to source.

I stumbled upon this wonderful quote by Sarah Ban Breathnach who points us in the right direction. She wrote: “The authentic-self is the soul made visible”. This quote wonderfully reveals the character of that part which is healed and whole within and suggests the authentic-self as the bridge between the spirit (intangible) and our experience (tangible).

But what is the authentic self, why is it so difficult for us to grasp it, and how can it help us heal?

The authentic self is the sum of our values, beliefs and perceptions. It is our inner compass or inner guidance system, which makes it possible for us to stay true to who we are as we meet life’s challenges.

If you ever observed a baby or a child playing or expressing themselves, they don’t hold back. Kids are by nature completely authentic. Though we started our lives being completely authentic, as we grew up and met social and family dynamics head on, we changed and morphed.

For the most part, as adults we are accustomed to wearing different masks and costumes, some that serve us very well while many don’t. This essentially is what makes is so hard for us to remember what it felt like being truly authentic and reconnect with that part.

Nevertheless, rediscovering and reconnecting with our authentic-self, is certainly worth our effort. There are many benefits to doing so on all levels of our experience especially from the perspective of our health and well-being.

Generally speaking, people who remain true to their inner values and live in alignment with their moral codes tend to be healthier.

These people seem happier, less concerned with the harsh aspects of reality or other external stressors and therefore less vulnerable or affected by them emotionally, mentally and physically.

Want to live more authentically? Here is your action plan to rediscover and reconnect with your authentic-self:

Step # 1: Identify your core values and evaluate which changes need you make in order to fit them in your life. For example, if one of your core values is honesty, communicating with those around you in an honest way will make you feel better and increase your self-esteem.

Step #2: Bring to mind some of your childhood dreams, goals or people who’ve inspired you. Write them down and evaluate which of these goals and dreams made you feel most excited or happier? Which qualities or personality traits you admired the most about those people who’ve inspired you?

Step #3: Consider what is standing in your way and how you might overcome those barriers, so that you can live more authentically.

Please share your experience with this exercise?

strengthn your resove to heal during cancer

Help with Cancer – Strengthen Your Resolve to Heal

The interconnectedness of our body and Mind still baffles researchers. Despite decades of effort, it’s 2013 and we still have more questions than answers. True,  studies repeatedly show a promising potential of this phenomenon, especially when it comes to our health but we know very little about how to employ this relationship and its mechanism to our advantage.

hypnosis for cancer

Help With Cancer

If we could only learn how to tune-in and read the accurate feedback our minds and bodies provide, we would be able to anticipate, intervene and even stop illness at its track. Unfortunately, we are not there yet and may never get an absolute clear cut answer or protocol we are hoping for.

I for one believe we need not wait for a scientific confirmation so we can tap into our own experience. We all are equipped with the ability to pay attention to what is taking place within us, our own thoughts, sensations and feelings. An example of some of the most common messages we may “hear” (and ignore) are headaches, nausea, fatigue, insomnia etc’.

The outcome of acknowledging these messages and not just numbing them with medication or other numbing substances will be “health promoting” rather than “health limiting”.

How to Tune Into Your Own Experience

Here are some ideas about how to tune-in and tap onto the flow of information your mind-body provide. Follow the process below and practice it whenever you can, either when you wake-up, on your lunch break or just before you go to bed.

When you have the time, close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Now ask yourself…

• How am I feeling right now?
• Listen to the most dominant or loud emotion/physical sensation.
• If the answer is “I feel good” or the sensation in your body is of comfort, acknowledge it and
thank your mind-body for taking such good care of you.
• If a negative emotion arises, or you feel stressed, afraid or notice any physical discomfort, ask
yourself what is this pain/stress/emotion is trying to tell you?
• Once again, listen, sense or feel the answer.
• Then ask yourself, what steps need I take to resolve this pain/stress/emotion?
• Resolve to follow through.
• Check in with yourself on a regular basis to make sure your attending to your needs.

This process should take about 15 minutes. Tuning-in doesn’t mean belly gazing or soul searching; it means you are checking-in with yourself, emotionally and mentally for greater clarity of your experience. Different people may get the answers to their questions in different ways. As humans use our senses to process information i.e. Visual (images), Auditory (sounds), Kinesthetic (touch and internal feelings), Gustatory (tastes) and Olfactory (smells).

If you are an auditory person it is likely that you would “hear” the message in your own inner-voice.
If you were a person using the visual system it is likely that you would “see” the answer in your own mind’s eye, and so on.

Pay attention to what takes place inside of you. Once you know; honor, acknowledge and practice it.

By listening and acknowledging your internal experience on a regular basis you not only you resolve the need for illness to manifest in your body but you also strengthen your resolve to heal and cultivate hope. In doing so you are allowing your innate healing system to function in optimum level.

Please share some of your discoveries and insights?

alternative cancer treatment

Healing Cancer from Within.

A growing body of evidence suggests that we have within us valuable resources to heal. After all, when the body suffers a cut or a bruise and even a burn, it heals and when we catch a cold or any other virus we usually overcome it, right?

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Healing Cancer from Within

From published scientific literature we learn that the question is not whether we have this innate healing capacity or not but rather how can we harness this healing mechanism to heal even the most advanced illnesses such as chronic conditions and even cancer?

It may seem foolish to compare a simple passing cold or a bruise to aggressive and advanced cancer, but to the body illness is illness; it uses the same healing mechanism to fight this disease or the other. This is good news because it means we have a say and we can participate and intervene in our own healing process.

The Scientific Study of Psychoneuroimmunology and Cancer

The answer is within, where it has always been. Findings in Psychoneuroimmunology or PNI for short, which is a science dedicated to researching the relationship between our mind and the nervous and immune system validates the ability of our mind to intervene with the immune system via the Central Nervous System.

This points us in a very exciting direction because it means we can use the mind’s language i.e. imagery and thoughts to perk-up and boost our immune system. Finally we have the proof that healing starts within. By thinking thoughts that are joyful and positive in nature and creating mental images of ourselves healthy, happy and full of life we support our health. This is an exciting message because we all have the ability to think and imagine, even if we were conditioned to believe we are not good enough, smart enough or anything enough.

The ABC of Guided Imagery for Cancer

So how do we connect with that part of ourselves that is whole and healed: the healer within? Here are a couple of ways to do it right.

The power of imagery:
a) Create images in your mind’s eye that represents health and well-being.
b) Visualize yourself doing things that make you feel good and positive.
c) Imagine your condition/illness as a separate entity, with its own shape, color, sound or texture melting, dissolving, clearing, healing, fading etc’.

Self-talk. Your Body Believes What Your Mind is Saying

Pay attention to your mind’s chatter. If your inner dialog is negative or full of doubt and criticism resolve to change it.

Changing your self-talk is a process and may require some learning of how to formulate better and more appropriate sentences or affirmations. Hopefully now that you understand the purpose and necessity of such change it may be easier to remain on track and focused. After all, your health depends on it.

Paying attention to your thoughts, expressing your desire to heal and nourishing your experience with healthy and positive mental images, feelings and emotions you access and harness your body’s innate healing capacity, you awake the healer within.

Please share how it felt to get in touch with you?

anti cancer treatment

Is Hypnosis for Cancer the New Anti-Cancer?

Can a non medical therapy like Immersive Healing and Hypnosis for Cancer benefit cancer patients? see this short video. Immersive-Healing, which utilizes hypnosis for cancer as it’s therapeutic vehicle, is an advanced mind-body model designed to resolve, cleanse and heal harmful mental patterns and psychological factor which may suppress the body’s natural defense system i.e. the immune system and leave the body vulnerable to cancer.

If you or someone you know benefited from a non medical immunotherapeutic therapy, please share?